I’m what you might call overweight.

BMI = 28.

Overweight, but not obese.

I started riding my bike to work–a 1970s Schwinn Suburban that weighs 72 lbs and sports 5 gears. It’s a 7.2 mile ride each way, which = 900 calories or so round trip. That should lose me a pound a week or so.

Instead, I pull my hamstring on my overweight, outdated, hipster bicycle. I can’t walk my dog, stand on a ladder to help my grandmother, or brace myself above the headboard (though I don’t have a headboard right now–I don’t even have a bed).

Last time I tried working out, I wound up with a broken jaw.

It just goes to show: Don’t Do It.